Heeey! 

Tell me something: you ever been in love? Or madly infatuated with someone, if only physically?

When your pupils are heart-shaped and you’re full of the feels for someone it can be quite difficult for some people to protect their boundaries. You may find yourself in a situation where you find yourself saying yes to things you may have otherwise said no to. This can apply to anything: It’s a tricky fence to balance on because you want to keep them happy but you also have to keep your identity and comfort intact. There’s doing something for them, compromising and completely sitting outside of your comfort zone when you don’t want to be...

Meet Becky. She contacted me through Instagram during the summer of 2018. We agreed to meet for a coffee instead of having a phone consultation as she lived locally to me. When we met, it was clear to me that she was super nervous. It wasn't the first time I'd met up with a potential client that was clearly outside of their comfort zone. In fact, I'd say that most people feel nervous at this stage.

But what usually happens is I make a fool of myself and break the ice a bit, we laugh and chat about how much fun the shoot is gonna be, they ask me lots of questions, I tell them funny stories about lingerie and the nerves tend to slip away. But I felt Becky was still nervous, even after 20 mins of chatting. I asked her again what her reason was for doing the shoot and she admitted that her partner had wanted her to do it. 

Red flag.

You see, my goal is to encourage women to feel more empowered and confident through the art of photography. This is for them. It’s not for me, or their partner, or their mum, or social media - I am not here to encourage any of my clients to do this shoot for anyone but themselves. Whilst it's an extremely liberating thing, to have a boudoir shoot, the reality is that it is not for everyone. There is a level of vulnerability involved and you have to be sure of what you want the outcome to be from the experience before going ahead with it. 

I often liken my shoots to skydiving. Most people will never get to experience the thrill, joy and adrenaline that jumping out of a plane will give you. And that’s totally fine. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. And their reasons are up to them. Some people are afraid of heights, some people have phobias of flying etc. Those that do take the plunge often talk of it being a life-changing experience. But not everyone can handle it. So it would be a pretty awful thing if a person with these types of fears was strapped into a plane and pushed out of it at 12,000ft, mostly because they were forcing themselves to do it for someone else. Can you imagine the panic? I can’t be a part of that.

And so we're back to Becky. She's not ready. This isn't for her. And I tell her that. I'm definitely not the kind of photographer that takes the money and runs. I'd rather we didn't go ahead with the shoot instead of her having a terrible experience because of her reluctance.

Now, I'm not saying to not do a shoot for your partner. In fact, I've written a blog all about when you should right here. But it should be your choice; your gift to them and they definitely shouldn't be coercing you into it. Or anyone else for that matter. 

Do it for you and if you want to show them a photo or two, knock yourself out!

I wish you peace and something sweet today, and don’t share it!

Merv

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